Three Years Without You
by Kinaga
Summary: What happened to Inuyasha during the three years he and Kagome were apart. This short story attempts to answer that question.


**Three Years Without You**

_An InuYasha Story_

_As always, all rights having to do with the series go to its creator._

Inuyasha stood on the breast of a hill overlooking the village of Edo. It was the village in which he had met his first love, Kikyo. A woman who had been tricked into nailing him to the Tree of Ages not far from the outskirts. This same tree had been the place where he'd met the love of his life. At first, he'd thought _she_ was Kikyo. She looked so much like Kikyo, even their scents were similar. But for the strange additional smells her strange era added, as opposed to the scents Kikyo's work supplied, the two women would have smelled identical. She'd called herself Kagome.

At first, all that had mattered had been that she had the sacred Shikon no tama, the Jewel of Four Souls that had the power to make Inuyasha into a full demon. He'd chased this Kagome, intending to get her to drop the Jewel, or to scare her into relinquishing it. He'd come very close to reclaiming it when the old woman Kaede, who'd been Kikyo's kid sister fifty years previous, had forced the beads of subjugation on him, and Kagome had used, for the first time, a word he'd come to hate, "sit," which made the necklace shove him face first onto the ground.

How he'd hated those beads. The girl, however, had been a different story. At first, he disliked her because she reminded him of Kikyo. Just that subtle shift in her scent and the strange way she dressed and wore her hair made it easier for him to tolerate her at first, but only just. Slowly, she'd wormed her way into his heart, first earning his respect, then his love. He wasn't entirely sure how she'd done it at the time. Now, looking back, he realized it was just her genuine nature. She never tried to hide her emotions. Whenever she was afraid, hurt, happy, angry or just uncomfortable, he always knew just by looking at her face. Kikyo, in contrast, had been forced by the very nature of her profession to learn to hide her emotions.

He'd loved both women. Kikyo, he'd admired for her strength and her abilities. However, he'd also seen her moments of vulnerability and her desire to live an ordinary life. Though, she'd usually kept her feelings locked up inside her, there had been moments where she'd brought him inside the emotional shield she'd built for herself. Her acceptance of him as a fighter and a man had, at the time, seemed to be enough for him. When he'd been revived and learned she'd died during his fifty years pinned to the tree, it had been painful and he'd felt a little guilty. After she'd been resurrected by Urasue, he'd felt that he had a responsibility to her since she had died because of him. It had been heartbreaking when she died for the final time, in his arms, even though she said his arrival to prevent her dying in Naraku's arms was enough for her.

Kagome, on the other hand, had been the first to accept him, not only as a fighter or a man, but as a friend. She had been the first other than his own mother to weep for him. She expected a good deal from him, but she was never far from his side when he needed her. Unlike Kikyo, Kagome never hesitated to share her mercurial emotions. When she was happy, sad, anxious, frightened, or angry, she made sure he knew it. Sometimes it could be a bit irritating, particularly when she was angry and activated the beads around his neck with her sit command. There were so many words he could use to describe her. She was sweet, intelligent, strong, kind, alive, fierce, brave, determined, quick to laugh... his...

Gone.

Toward the end, she'd uncovered a power he'd never seen before, the ability to shoot an arrow and have it hit a target he couldn't see. She would concentrate then fire an arrow and it would disappear, only to hit her true target. The last time she'd used this ability, her arrow had pierced the sacred jewel and it and Naraku had both disappeared. However, shortly after that a meido had manifested on Kagome's back and she'd been swept away, too. The Bone Eater's Well had disappeared right along with her. It was then that he'd realized that the jewel itself had been afraid of Kagome's power.

There had been no hesitation in him. Some compulsion deep within him had propelled him to her side. He had opened a meido of his own and found himself within the jewel itself taking part in the battle between the priestess Midoriko and the demons that had originally been responsible for the creation of the jewel so long ago. The demons had informed him that it was the jewel's intention to trick Kagome into making a wish and becoming trapped within the jewel to fight Naraku for all eternity as a fallen priestess. This, they claimed, was the purpose for which she was born.

Inuyasha had hotly contended against this assertion. After all he'd learned from Kagome over the past year, he knew better than anyone that she had been born to be with him and he to be with her. With this firmly in his mind, he'd called to her again, screamed to her, begging her not to make any wishes. Incredibly, he'd heard her say she'd heard him. The demons had insisted he'd just given her false hope. She would, they said, undoubtedly make a wish now, a wish to see him. Shock had washed over him as he realized what he'd done. Desperately, he tried to call to her again, wanting to promise that he would find her, but the demons refused to let him call to her again. Just shortly after that, however, the Tetsusaiga had transformed, taking on the dark, star-flecked blade that produced the Meido Zangetsuha. Along with that, he'd seen a ribbon of golden energy appear. It was as if Kagome herself were whispering to him, "Cut here, Inuyasha. Cut here and come to me." He'd known somehow that this was a manifestation of Kagome's as yet unspoken wish to see him. Again, hesitation had been far away from his mind. He'd slashed the golden ribbon and found himself instantly at Kagome's side.

She'd wept with relief as she embraced him, telling him with her tears how much she had wanted to see him. He'd been equally unable to express how much he'd wanted to see her with words. Instead, he'd done the only thing he could think of that would express that sentiment well. He'd bent and kissed her cherry lips. It had been the sweetest kiss he'd ever experienced, sweeter than honey. Then, with Inuyasha holding her close to his side, Kagome had made her wish. "Shikon Jewel!" she'd commanded, "Disappear! Forever!" In that instant, the jewel had shattered, obeying her will.

Seconds later they were appearing in Kagome's era on the edge of the Bone Eater's Well in the shrine. He'd watched smiling as she flew into her mother's arms, insisting that Inuyasha had saved her life. Then, as she turned to thank him, she suddenly faded away and he found himself leaping in confusion from the well in his own time period. Miroku, Sango and Shippo had been there to meet him. How he'd longed to tell them all that had happened, but the words had refused to come out. All he'd been able to tell them was that Kagome was safe. He wanted to fall down weeping at their feet, but shock prevented that.

It was the strangest feeling. He knew Kagome was alive in her own time. She had the capability to survive there. However, being unable to see her was like having a hole in his chest that wouldn't heal. He'd done his best to keep busy and to be understanding of his friends' pain at losing Kagome. However, unable to share his feelings with them, he'd, instead, attempted to stay too busy to think about her. He'd helped Miroku build a house not too far from the outskirts of town and been there for his wedding to Sango. Kaede had performed the ceremony and it had been unexpectedly painful to watch Sango in her white kimono being married to Miroku. Still, he'd smiled and congratulated the unprincipled monk and, as a marriage gift, he'd promised that he and Shippo would stay with Kaede, so that the newlyweds would have some privacy, something he knew he'd have wanted himself had things gone as he wished.

However, even this was difficult, since Rin, the sometime companion of his elder brother, Sesshomaru, was living with Kaede. The elderly priestess had somehow managed to convince Sesshomaru that Rin needed to practice living with humans for a few years. Eventually, she'd be old enough to decide for herself if she wanted to live with Sesshomaru or with humans. Rin's resemblance to Kagome was uncanny, though not so much as Kagome's resemblance to Kikyo had been. In any case, after only a week, he'd found himself living in the tree of ages, not too far from the Bone Eater's Well. Strangely, living in that tree, he'd felt almost as though he was watching Kagome in her own era from its branches.

In his dreams, he'd looked down on the courtyard of Kagome's home from the branches of that gigantic tree and watched as she ran off down the stairs to the outer world or else came back up that long flight of stairs in some mood, usually pensive. Even less frequently, he'd see her enter the shrine building that contained her version of the Bone Eater's Well. Each time he'd seen her do this she always seemed lonely and unhappy. More often than not, she would look sadly up at him from just beneath the tree and even, sometimes, say his name but, try as he might to call out to her, he ever seemed able to speak above a whisper when he was dreaming about her and he awoke from such dreams almost howling in frustration.

Three days after the loss of Kagome, on a night following just such a dream, he'd leapt into the well again. More than half asleep at the time, he'd half expected to find himself in her era and run up the ladder her grandfather had placed there for her use at the beginning of the year. However, none of that happened. He'd dropped down to the bottom of the well in his own era. Once there, he'd howled his frustration to the sky. He'd pounded and dug fruitlessly at the ground. He'd called to her, begged her to let him through. He'd insisted over and over again with tears in his eyes that he had to see her.

When he finally calmed down, he left the well and went to find something to do. However, it was the strange dreams he kept having while sleeping in the branches of the tree of ages that kept him coming back every three days. That and the fact that Kagome's smell, which permeated the well, lingered there as it did in no other place. It was almost as if the girl was in the well with him, trying to reach him, just as he was trying to reach her.

Three months later, the village learned that Sango was pregnant. By the end of the year, she'd given birth to twin girls, Akiko and Emiko. Sango had wanted to name one of her daughters Kagome, but Miroku had talked her out of it.

"Inuyasha is already in considerable pain at being unable to see Kagome again," he'd said to her, forgetting just how acute Inuyasha's hearing really was. "Just think how much worse it would be to hear her name in the village when Kagome herself isn't here."

Inuyasha had kept his relief at Sango's understanding to himself. Again, he'd congratulated the young father and agreed once again, while Sango was recovering, to help him with his work. Sango had her hands full taking care of the girls and Miroku became, if anything, even more unscrupulous about his business dealings now that Sango had to be home with the children. However, to do more than point this out to his friend reminded him painfully of Kagome, so, beyond the occasional subtle comment, Inuyasha kept his mouth shut.

By the births of the twins, Inuyasha had nearly given up any hope of ever getting through the well to see Kagome. Still, he couldn't help but continue to visit the well every three days, if only to be able to smell Kagome's persistent scent. He usually spent several hours down there on the nights he visited, telling his far away friend everything that was happening while she was gone.

By this time, he'd began to notice things beyond himself. For example, every month, sometimes more often, Sesshomaru and his tiny vassal, Jaken, would visit the village, austensibly to bring gifts for Rin. About every six months, the gift was a new kimono, but he brought other things as well, usually toys. Rin's favorite was a Hina doll that had been cunningly made to resemble Sesshomaru himself. It was a poor replica at best. Still, it had been put in a place of honor in Kaede's hut near the spot where Rin usually slept.

Shippo was frequently gone from the village. It didn't take much to learn that the young kitsune was out training to become a great demon, like his father. Toward the end of Sango's pregnancy, the young fox demon disappeared to take the fox demon examination and returned having advanced two whole ranks. Inuyasha had laid aside his personal pain to let the youngster know how proud he was. Unbeknownst to him, Shippo had seen the pain he'd tried to conceal. However, young as he was, the little fox demon hadn't yet learned the value of discretion. The result had been that the child had followed him around the village asking him questions until Inuyasha was ready to pound him into unconsciousness. Thankfully, Miroku, Sango and Kaede had pulled the kitsune aside and suggested that he was being a trifle obnoxious. Miroku finally came right out and said that Inuyasha wasn't interesting in talking about his pain, yet.

He'd thought about this comment several times when he was in the well with what he was beginning to think of as Kagome's ghost. He remembered his encounter with the demon calling himself the "flower prince" shortly after Kikyo's final death. He had labored under the false understanding that he was the only one suffering. The demon's declaration that Kagome's pain was greater than his and her subequent ability to fight the demon off even considering how much pain she was enduring had given him pause.

She'd discussed her pain with him later, after the others were asleep. He remembered she said she was concerned about him because she knew how much he cared for Kikyo. However, she'd also felt guilty. Kagome had been told that the wound Kikyo had sustained could be purified by shooting her using the bow string from the shrine at the top of Mt. Azusa. Kagome had expected the resurrected priestess' wound to heal, thus saving her life. It hadn't happened. Kikyo had died anyway and Kagome had felt directly responsible for the fact that Inuyasha wasn't talking to her the way he usually did. When he asked her how she could possibly handle so much pain, she'd actually laughed.

"So that's what you meant when you asked why I was strong," she'd chuckled. "I'm sorry Inuyasha. To tell you the truth, now that I've shared my feelings with you, I actually feel a bit better."

He'd lay awake far into the night thinking about that.

So, almost six months to the day after the birth of Sango's twins, Inuyasha had waited until Rin was busy playing with the other village children and Shippo was out of town training and caught Kaede when she was busy harvesting herbs. He'd thought she, of all his friends, could be counted on to understand what he was experiencing and was unsurprised when she proved him right. Kaede, a few years following Kikyo's first death, had fallen in love with one of the village boys, someone called Takeshi. They'd made plans to marry, but the young man had been taken by the local shogun as a soldier. She never saw him again and never knew if he had died or not. The strange thing had been that, once Kaede had assured him she didn't think him crazy to miss Kagome so much, he _did_ feel a little better.

So, about every month or so after that, when his pain began, once again, to be too much for him to bear alone, he made a habit of visiting Kaede when she was collecting herbs and no one else was around to interrupt. In the meantime, he continued to do his best just to stay too busy to think about her. When Sango expressed a desire to go back to demon hunting again, Inuyasha volunteered to look after Akiko and Emiko while their parents were busy. They were only gone for a week, and that week proved to be both physically painful and frustratingly busy, mainly because Sango's girls developed an unholy interest in his ears. However, he'd been too busy taking care of them to think about how much he missed Kagome. Sango hadn't been entirely happy with the state of her home when she returned, but that hadn't stopped her from letting him watch them on another occasion when she started to once again miss the action of demon slaying.

Furthermore, Ginta and Hakkaku appeared in the village about two and a half months after Inuyasha's first meeting with Kaede to inform them that Koga and Ayame were finally married and Koga had been made chief of the tribe. If Inuyasha ever saw Kagome, they said, he was to inform her that Koga could no longer keep his promise to make her his woman and that he was deeply sorry to have caused her so much trouble. Inuyasha had promised to give Kagome the message if he ever saw her, which was becoming less and less likely with each passing day.

When Sango was happy being at home, Inuyasha chose to take her place with Miroku again. This also kept him moderately busy, since Miroku was fond of conversation. However, unless Inuyasha was in battle, he found himself daydreaming about Kagome again. Miroku, thankfully, seemed to understand his difficulty focussing and didn't make too much of it.

Even considering all of his efforts to push Kagome from his mind during the day, Inuyasha still found himself dreaming about her at night. There were a few times he'd glimpsed her seated crying on a stone bench beneath the branches he seemed perpetually perched on during these dreams. He'd felt so helpless after those dreams that he'd been halfway to the well before he knew what he was actually doing.

Then, a few months after Akiko and Emiko's first birthday, Sango became pregnant again. Soon thereafter, Kaede, who was training Rin as a midwife, informed Sango that demonslaying might be too dangerous for her unborn child. So, Sango remained at home for the next nine months and Inuyasha once again went with Miroku on missions to kill demons or exorcise evil spirits. As this still didn't give him much in the way of a definite outlet to set his loneliness for Kagome aside, he could frequently be found, as today, standing above the town looking out into space.

Earlier today, Inuyasha and Miroku had disposed of a rather weak demon, compared with Inuyasha at least, and he'd had the entire time to himself that Miroku was explaining the cost of the sutra charms he planned to use before his skills were finally needed. He'd spent most of it wondering what Kagome could be doing in her own era or else imagining how she'd be handling their current situation if she were with him at that moment.

"Inuyasha!" Miroku called, jerking his erstwhile companion away from his daydream, "Here it comes!"

Inuyasha had blinked, the pleasing vision of Kagome at his side again dissipating as he destroyed the oncoming demon with a single stroke of his Tetsusaiga. After that, he and Miroku came away with three bales of rice as a result of that afternoon's exercise and had hurried home to greet the monk's newborn son. He and Sango named the child Michio. Inuyasha, for his part, was well aware that Rin would be busy and Shippo was off taking the fox demon examination. Seeing Kaede stop to gather herbs, he'd taken the time to sit down by her and "share" more of the burden of his feelings with her. When no more would come, she'd left and Inuyasha had remained, looking off into the gathering dusk.

_Damn it, Kagome! _he thought now. _Why do we have to be apart? Is this punishment for some sin I committed against you while you were here? Is it because of all the times I came to get you before you were ready to come back? Is it because I broke that new bi-cycle of yours?_

He looked out over the field toward the forest where the Bone Eater's Well stood and, not to far from that well, the tree that, for nearly three years now, he'd thought of as home. Even now, he could feel the desire to go there; the all too physical need to see his Kagome again, if only in a dream. He sighed. He knew, now, he would never see her again. The idea of visiting the well again, no matter how much he might wish to hurl himself through the passage it had once created and into the arm of his beloved again, wa ludicrous.

_Good bye, Kagome,_ he thought then, turning his back on that field. _I hope your life is a happy one._

He ambled back to Kaede's hut and leaped up to the roof, stretching himself out there determined to try and get some restful sleep for once. Distressingly, Inuyasha dreamed three separate dreams of Kagome that night, all of them terrifyingly vivid. The first, of Kagome accusing him of abandoning her, had thrust him almost completely to his feet and had him running through the little village toward the well again before he finally stopped himself. In the second, one in which he'd seemed to be watching Kagome from a distance, he'd watched her while she listened to her friends discussing some topic he knew he'd never understand and seen the sadness play across her features as she looked up at the clouds flying far above her. He'd awoken that time in the middle of calling out her name. In the third, he'd found himself in a strangely fogbound landscape. Kagome had been some distance away waving at him, beckoning him to come to her. When he'd attempted it, first walking, then jogging, then, finally sprinting all out, he'd found that she never seemed to get any closer and awoken feeling intensely dissatisfied. He'd determinedly stayed awake the rest of the night after that.

When the sun finally arose, Inuyasha went to Miroku and Sango's house to see if there was any chore he could do to keep his mind off of the dreams he'd experienced. It was laundry day and the young parents were pleased to have Inuyasha watch Akiko and Emiko while they washed the laundry and hung it to dry, a chore that generally took the growing family much of the day. Shippo, who had returned the day previous and stayed with Miroku and Sango, was looking on with amusement as the two little girls sat on Inuyasha's arms and pulled and yanked at his ears.

"Girls," Miroku chided gently, when Inuyasha complained about this treatment, "leave his ears alone."

"I'm sorry, Inuyasha," Sango added, tired from a long night of tending Michio, who was now napping on his mother's back.

It was at that moment that his ears picked up a sound they'd been hoping to hear for three years. Leather shoes against packed earth, scrabbling against bricks. Plucking the twins from his arms by their kimonos, he stood up and sniffed the air

Inuyasha's heart skipped a beat. It was there! Her particular aroma that, until this moment, had never left the bottom of the well.

"All right, girls," he commanded, dropping the grinning twins on a surprised Shippo, "go slay the fox." He was gone before the young kitsune could do more than start to protest. He sniffed again as his feet flew across the ground toward their goal. There was no mistaking that scent. It was her. It had to be.

Within ten heartbeats, he was standing by the well again, the fragrance issuing from it so strongly that he felt almost drunk with it. Almost fearing to do so, he reached down into the depths of the well... and felt the comforting feel of her hand slipping safely into his. He gripped it and lifted her gently out. So long had he longed to see her, to hold her in his arms one more time, that he almost thought he was dreaming all over again. He stared at her hungrily, more than half afraid that she would disappear again if he dared to so much as blink.

"Inuyasha, I'm sorry," she breathed happily, "were you waiting here for me?"

"Kagome," he responded, the sound of her voice removing any doubt as to the reality of her existence. He set her gently on her feet, adding gently, "Idiot. What have you been doing all this time?" With that, he'd drawn her to him. He had his Kagome back. At last, he was whole again.

Then Miroku and Sango had run up carrying Shippo, the twins and Michio. They, too, had been pleased to see Kagome again, but not nearly as pleased as Inuyasha. The celebration lasted long into the night that night. Kaede and Rin were invited as well and they, too, seemed pleased that Kagome had returned.

Inuyasha couldn't bear to leave her side. All evening, he stayed beside her, watching as she talked with her friends and played with their children. Finally, however, the excitement of making a new friend finally wore the two girls and the tiny baby out. Inuyasha offered to escort Kagome to Kaede's to stay. When Sango began to object, suggesting that Kagome could stay with her and Miroku, the monk, ever practical, overruled this suggestion, reminding his pretty wife that Inuyasha and Kagome had been apart for three years and would need some private time to catch up. For a wonder, there was none of the usual spying as he and Kagome walked away.

"So," he asked, a thrill of pleasure tracing his spine as she slipped her petite hand into his again, "how long can you stay?"

"As long as you want me to, Inuyasha," she replied, turning to him and breathlessly planting a kiss on his downturned lips.

"How about forever?" he asked, drawing her young body against his and savoring the changes three years had made in her figure.

"Inuyasha," she gasped, "are you asking me to marry you?"

He nodded.

"Good," she smiled then, "because if you didn't, I was going to ask you."

Inuyasha's face broke into a broad grin. "How could I help but ask you," he sighed, laying a gentle finger beneath her chin, "I spent three years without you... and that was three years too many."


End file.
